Ah, sales. It’s a profession that can test the limits of our patience, creativity, and sense of humor. When it comes to the ups and downs of sales, sometimes all you need is a good laugh to lighten the mood and rejuvenate your spirits.
Humor serves as a powerful tool in the sales process for multiple reasons. First and foremost, it humanizes you, breaking down the stiff walls of formality that can inhibit genuine connection. When you make someone laugh, you tap into a universal language of camaraderie that instantly makes you more likable and relatable. This emotional connection can lead to increased trust, which is the foundation of any successful sales relationship.
Additionally, humor can act as a memorable hook, differentiating you in a crowded market. In the stressful and serious world of business decisions, a moment of levity can relieve tension, encourage open dialogue, and even boost creativity in problem-solving. So, a good laugh isn’t just entertaining—it’s a strategic move that can put you leagues ahead in the sales game.
So, we’ve gathered 70 funny sales quotes to tickle your funny bone and bring a smile to your face. Trust me, humor is an essential part of making it through the sales grind. BTW, if you are looking for inspirational or motivational quotes, here is our 160 inspirational quotes list.
Let’s get the laughs rolling here are some funny sales quotes
1. “To succeed in sales, simply talk to lots of people every day. And here’s what’s exciting—there are lots of people!”
- Jim Rohn, followed by, “Think of it as speed dating, but instead of a date, you’re scoring a commission. And there’s no ‘swipe left’ option.”
2. “Sales are contingent upon the attitude of the salesman – not the attitude of the prospect.”
- W. Clement Stone, followed by, “But it helps if the prospect has a good sense of humor!”
3. “You don’t close a sale, you open a relationship if you want to build a long-term, successful enterprise.”
- Patricia Fripp, followed by, “But if you can’t, at least close the sale!”
4. “Statistics suggest that when customers complain, business owners and managers ought to get excited about it.”
- Zig Ziglar, followed by, “So, who’s up for a party?”
5. “If you’re not taking care of your customer, your competitor will.”
- Bob Hooey, followed by, “And they’ll probably wine and dine them too!”
6. “I’m not a great salesman, but I can sell a salesman on the idea that he’s great.”
- Jarod Kintz
7. “If you ain’t first, you’re last.”
- Ricky Bobby, from the movie Talladega Nights
8. “If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars.”
- J. Paul Getty, followed by, “But if you can count your customers, you’re doing okay.”
9. “If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.”
- Zig Ziglar, followed by, “Just like those cold calls!”
10. “Selling is really about having conversations with people and helping improve their company or their life.”
- Lori Richardson, followed by, “And if you can’t improve it, at least make them laugh!”
11. “Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.”
- William James, followed by, “Even if that difference is just getting through a PowerPoint presentation without anyone falling asleep.”
12. “The best way to sell yourself to others is first to sell the others to yourself.”
- Napoleon Hill, followed by, “Who’s up for some self-therapy?”
13. “Opportunities don’t happen. You create them.”
- Chris Grosser, followed by, “So grab your magic wand, Sales Wizard!”
14. “Become the person who would attract the results you seek.”
- Jim Cathcart, followed by, “Or at least, someone who attracts coffee and donuts.”
15. “Approach each customer with the idea of helping him or her solve a problem or achieve a goal, not of selling a product or service.”
- Brian Tracy, followed by, “And if all else fails, become a problem that they need to solve.”
16. “Treat objections as requests for further information.”
- Brian Tracy, followed by, “Also known as opportunities for creative storytelling!”
17. “The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.”
- Vidal Sassoon, followed by, “Or a Scrabble game if you’re really lucky.”
18. “Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.”
- Thomas Edison, followed by, “Because the 1,001st time is a charm, right?”
19. “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
- Wayne Gretzky, followed by, “But you also miss 100% of the shots you take at 4 PM on a Friday.”
20. “The man who will use his skill and constructive imagination to see how much he can give for a dollar, instead of how little he can give for a dollar, is bound to succeed.”
- Henry Ford, followed by, “That man also probably never had to put gas in one of his own cars.”
21. “I have never worked a day in my life without selling. If I believe in something, I sell it, and I sell it hard.”
- Estée Lauder, followed by, “And if I don’t believe in it, I sell it even harder!”
22. “It’s not about having the right opportunities. It’s about handling the opportunities right.”
- Mark Hunter, followed by, “It’s also about remembering to mute yourself on Zoom calls.”
23. “Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude.”
- Zig Ziglar, followed by, “Unless you’re a pilot, in which case, please focus on your aptitude.”
24. “Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit.”
- Conrad Hilton, followed by, “They also use the hotel Wi-Fi to send last-minute proposals.”
25. “The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will.”
- Vince Lombardi, followed by, “And a lack of quality Wi-Fi.”
26. “Sales success comes after you stretch yourself past your limits on a daily basis.”
- Omar Periu, followed by, “Also known as stretching the truth, occasionally!”
27. “Don’t watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.”
- Sam Levenson, followed by, “And if you can’t keep going, at least keep charging your phone.”
28. “Selling is essentially a transfer of feelings.”
- Zig Ziglar, followed by, “Feelings, and occasionally, extended warranties.”
29. “Motivation will almost always beat mere talent.”
- Norman Ralph Augustine, followed by, “But coffee beats motivation.”
30. “It’s not about the commission. It’s about the mission.”
- Unknown, followed by, “Okay, it’s a little about the commission.”
31. “Stop selling. Start helping.”
- Zig Ziglar, followed by, “Unless you’re helping them to buy. Then keep selling!”
32. “A goal is a dream with a deadline.”
- Napoleon Hill, followed by, “And a nightmare is a goal with a missed deadline.”
33. “Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is.”
- Vince Lombardi, followed by, “But let’s be real; winning is pretty awesome.”
34. “Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today.”
- Will Rogers, followed by, “That’s what the snooze button is for!”
35. “Great salespeople are relationship builders who provide value and help their customers win.”
- Jeffrey Gitomer, followed by, “And if they can’t help their customers win, they at least make them laugh.”
36. “To build a long-term, successful enterprise, when you don’t close a sale, open a relationship.”
- Patricia Fripp, followed by, “And open a bottle of wine, you’ve earned it.”
37. “The most unprofitable item ever manufactured is an excuse.”
- John Mason, followed by, “Well, that and the Betamax.”
38. “If you aren’t going all the way, why go at all?”
- Joe Namath, followed by, “Because halfway is where the snack bar is!”
39. “You are your greatest asset. Put your time, effort and money into training, grooming, and encouraging your greatest asset.”
- Tom Hopkins, followed by, “And your second greatest asset? A good coffee machine.”
40. “Nothing happens until someone sells something.”
- Henry Ford, followed by, “Except coffee breaks. Those happen regardless.”
41. “Sales is an outcome, not a goal. It’s a function of doing numerous things right, starting from the moment you target a potential prospect until you finalize the deal.”
- Jill Konrath, followed by, “It’s like dominoes, but with rejection and caffeine.”
42. “You don’t need a big close, as many sales reps believe. You risk losing your customer when you save all the good stuff for the end. Keep the customer actively involved throughout your presentation, and watch your results improve.”
- Harvey Mackay, followed by, “Or just do a little dance at the end. That works too.”
43. “Nobody counts the number of ads you run; they just remember the impression you make.”
- Bill Bernbach, followed by, “Kind of like nobody counts the number of cookies you eat, they just remember you at the cookie jar.”
44. “Don’t find customers for your products, find products for your customers.”
- Seth Godin, followed by, “But if your customer wants a unicorn, maybe try to manage expectations.”
45. “Timid salesmen have skinny kids.”
- Zig Ziglar, followed by, “And also skinny wallets.”
46. “Make a customer, not a sale.”
- Katherine Barchetti, followed by, “Unless that sale is on Black Friday, then make both!”
47. “There is no such thing as a no-sale call. A sale is made on every call you make. Either you sell the client some stock or he sells you a reason he can’t.”
- Benjamin Franklin, followed by, “Or you sell yourself on the idea that it’s time for a coffee break.”
48. “The best sales questions have your expertise wrapped into them.”
- Jill Konrath, followed by, “Expertise and, ideally, a bow.”
49. “You don’t close a sale; you open a relationship if you want to build a long-term, successful enterprise.”
- Patricia Fripp, followed by, “Think of it as turning the ‘Closed’ sign to ‘Open’…forever.”
50. “There’s no lotion or potion that will make sales faster and easier for you – unless your potion is hard work.”
- Jeffrey Gitomer, followed by, “And if you find that potion, let me know.”
51. “Keep your sales pipeline full by prospecting continuously. Always have more people to see than you have time to see them.”
- Brian Tracy, followed by, “It’s like Netflix, always more to watch than you have time for.”
52. “To succeed in sales, simply talk to lots of people every day. And here’s what’s exciting – there are lots of people!”
- Jim Rohn, followed by, “Yep, like 7 billion of them!”
53. “If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.”
- Zig Ziglar, followed by, “In that case, I’m an expert at hitting nothing!”
54. “Your life can only get better when you do. Do something every day to improve your key skill areas.”
- Brian Tracy, followed by, “Today, I improved my ‘avoiding work’ skills.”
55. “Begin by always expecting good things to happen.”
- Tom Hopkins, followed by, “And sometimes those good things are cookies.”
56. “Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.”
- Warren Buffett, followed by, “So be careful about the ‘chain of coffee breaks’ habit.”
57. “You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do.”
- Henry Ford, followed by, “Unless what you’re going to do is eat another cookie. That’s a reputation I can live with.”
58. “Sales are contingent upon the attitude of the salesman, not the attitude of the prospect.”
- William Clement Stone, followed by, “Just like the success of your diet is contingent on your attitude, not the attitude of the cheesecake.”
59. “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”
- Mahatma Gandhi, followed by, “Or lose yourself in the office kitchen. Either way.”
60. “Persistence trumps talent, genius and education, every single time.”
- Mark Hunter, followed by, “But coffee trumps all.”
61. “A sale isn’t something you pursue; it’s what happens to you while you are immersed in serving your customer.”
- Unknown, followed by, “Kind of like how naps happen when you’re immersed in a particularly boring meeting.”
62. “For every sale you miss because you’re too enthusiastic, you will miss a hundred because you’re not enthusiastic enough.”
- Zig Ziglar, followed by, “For every cookie you miss because you’re on a diet, you’ll miss a hundred because you’re not near the cookie jar.”
63. “The questions you ask are more important than the things you could ever say.”
- Thomas Freese, followed by, “So, what’s your favorite cookie?”
64. “You don’t close a sale, you open a relationship.”
- Patricia Fripp, followed by, “Unless it’s Black Friday, then you close that sale fast!”
65. “Statistics suggest that when customers complain, business owners and managers ought to get excited about it.”
- Zig Ziglar, followed by, “Statistics also suggest you shouldn’t eat the last cookie, but who listens to statistics?”
66. “You don’t need a big close as many sales reps believe. You risk losing your customer when you save all the good stuff for the end.”
- Harvey Mackay, followed by, “Just like you risk losing your appetite if you save all the good cookies for the end.”
67. “Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.”
- William James, followed by, “And if it doesn’t, act as if it does anyway.”
68. “Selling is really about having conversations with people and helping improve their company or their life. If you look at it like that, selling is a very admirable thing to do.”
- Lori Richardson, followed by, “Unless you’re selling gym memberships in December, that’s just mean.”
69. “The worst time to think about the thing you are going to say is in the moment you are saying it.”
- Unknown, followed by, “Just like the worst time to think about the diet is while eating the cookie.”
70. “Well done is better than well said.”
- Benjamin Franklin, followed by, “Well dunked is better than well drunk, at least when it comes to cookies and milk!”
The Curtain Call
We’ve reached a whopping 70 funny sales quotes, each with its own dash of humor and wisdom! Laughter is the key to making the daily grind a little more bearable. So go ahead, share these quotes with your team, chuckle a bit, and remember that sales is a journey best taken with a sense of humor. As a last bonus we gave you our most beloved funny sales video:
Ho, and if you wanna talk sales, please don’t hesitate to ping us here 😉
